lonely

 

 

Ok, I have been debating wether or not to take that chocolate that's been lying in my bag, but I will. I am entitled to, aren't I?

 

After all, sometimes a huge thing that seems to be a great idea, that will make everything good again, just can't keep that much of a promisse. And that seems to be the case of my new apartment. I was under the dellusion that having my own place would make my closeted-boyfriend (that has got no parental respect or privacy in his own house) satisfied. And I guess such a fantasy may have been much larger in his own head.

 

So he may be disappointed, or something like that... But he is completely drawn back. I don't believe that he's fallen back on the train to his internet sex addiction, but he's cold, sexually uninterested, and he's been almost every night attending to family affairs. Sometimes even when not requested to. And he stays there for longer than I can wait him up (WHEN he comes back). And wakes up "in a hurry".

 

So this last couple of weeks I have been just dealing with that. And the last few days I have been dealing with actual loneliness.

 

Lucky me (I guess) I am in a new environment, so I have many options to take my saddened self and walk around, getting to know the neighborhood... So it gets a little bit better.